A year in review. Inspired by The Friend Zone podcast. I have truly been neglecting this blog. I was going to completely abandon it because 1. who reads this 2. might be too personal/serious 3. I’m not consistent. I logged in today and realized that I have 20 something followers. I didn’t think I had any. So since I haven’t written in almost a year I thought it would be beneficial to do a year in review.
Last year around this time I was exactly where I am right now. What would happen in the next few months was completely unexpected. In September I stopped smoking, drinking and eating animal flesh. Mainly because I had a rude awakening at the doctor’s office. Based on my family history with medical woes I decided to go on the extreme end of the health nut spectrum. Currently, I do not eat animal flesh, but I love eggs and cheese. I’m what you call a lacto-ovo vegetarian. This has been the topic of much conversation. Honestly, the transition was very simple for me. I’ve done research and I’ve determined that the benefits of a plant based diet out weigh any desire to eat meats. And that’s what I tell people when they ask why. It took me a while to come up with something concise to say to people when they ask why I don’t eat animal flesh. I guess that’s par course when doing something out of the usual.
I didn’t drink for the month of September, and whenever I declined a drink people asked why. Now that I think of it whenever I decline a drink people look befuddled. Last year and up to just recently was filled with a lot of worry, doubt and shame around health issues. I have started drinking again, but I have limited my consumption tremendously. I was a social drinker. I still am. But not so many binges like in college. I have nixed marijuana completely. It was the easiest thing to stop doing because it was probably the most harmful to me. Whenever I used it, i felt this intense guilt and anxiety. Something that was supposed to relax me just stressed me out. So now here I am July 2016 almost a year later. A social drinker, lacto ovo vegetarian, non smoker. I’m not perfect but I am healthy, relative to where I was last year.
When I started 2016 I said that this year is the year of action. Somewhere between January and now that “action” has turned into observation and research. Just recently I’ve been getting back into being active. Or maybe I’m not giving myself enough credit. I purchased a DSLR camera and I’m learning the “family business.” For now it is a hobby. I’m a sensitive artist. I’ve been to D.C. twice this year. I went to the Formation World Tour and the Anti World Tour (Rihanna) I’ve been to the beach twice and I’m becoming a better swimmer. I went to a gala. I went to a wedding. I am developing a brand for a more universal, less personal blog. I started a little side hustle doing crochet braids for friends and associates. I cleared my skin up! So I guess I haven’t been that inactive. I’m figuring out the next steps of my life right now. Turning 27 was very emotional for me. I cried for a week leading up to my birthday. I’m 27 but I don’t have a shiny car, a flourishing career, a masters degree a boyfriend/fiance, a dog/cat, a luxury apartment. I don’t have any of that. But it’s not too late. And 27 in 2016 is a lot different than 27 in the 90’s. I refuse to allow society/family/acquaintances to make me feel bad about my growth. It’s mine, not yours.
One thing that I’ve realized over the course of the year is that the way I perceive myself isn’t exactly how others perceive me. It has come to my attention that my first impression is of someone who has it together. (whatever “it” is) And a lasting impression is that I am calm, relaxing, and soothing. A friend of mine called me a tranquil muse. A tranquil muse?! Are you kidding?! If you only knew what I’ve dealt with, what I’ve been thru. The fights I’ve had, the things I regret and the disappointment and deep sadness that I’ve felt. Whew. Just typing that brings tears to my eyes. But despite all of my inner disturbances, he still saw me as someone who deals with my problems well, takes it all in stride. Someone who is resilient. I was flattered by this honest comment on my character. I never saw myself that way. He said something to the effect of…spending time with you is healing, relaxing and you wouldn’t realize it because you think everyone is like you, everyone is not like you. It’s like spending time with an old person.” I’m not the type of person to ask my friends “hey so what are my best qualities” but he summed it up for me and I am grateful for that observation. (I even tried to buy tranquilmuse.com but someone already owns it) I tend to be hard on myself for pretty much everything. A few things I am consciously going to improve:
1. taking action, even before I’m ready
2. spending my time wisely
3. being more vulnerable/open with the right people