A year in review. Inspired by The Friend Zone podcast. I have truly been neglecting this blog. I was going to completely abandon it because 1. who reads this 2. might be too personal/serious 3. I’m not consistent. I logged in today and realized that I have 20 something followers. I didn’t think I had any. So since I haven’t written in almost a year I thought it would be beneficial to do a year in review.

Last year around this time I was exactly where I am right now. What would happen in the next few months was completely unexpected. In September I stopped smoking, drinking and eating animal flesh. Mainly because I had a rude awakening at the doctor’s office. Based on my family history with medical woes I decided to go on the extreme end of the health nut spectrum. Currently, I do not eat animal flesh, but I love eggs and cheese. I’m what you call a lacto-ovo vegetarian. This has been the topic of much conversation. Honestly, the transition was very simple for me. I’ve done research and I’ve determined that the benefits of a plant based diet out weigh any desire to eat meats. And that’s what I tell people when they ask why. It took me a while to come up with something concise to say to people when they ask why I don’t eat animal flesh. I guess that’s par course when doing something out of the usual.

I didn’t drink for the month of September, and whenever I declined a drink people asked why. Now that I think of it whenever I decline a drink people look befuddled. Last year and up to just recently was filled with a lot of worry, doubt and shame around health issues. I have started drinking again, but I have limited my consumption tremendously. I was a social drinker. I still am. But not so many binges like in college. I have nixed marijuana completely. It was the easiest thing to stop doing because it was probably the most harmful to me. Whenever I used it, i felt this intense guilt and anxiety. Something that was supposed to relax me just stressed me out. So now here I am July 2016 almost a year later. A social drinker, lacto ovo vegetarian, non smoker. I’m not perfect but I am healthy, relative to where I was last year.

When I started 2016 I said that this year is the year of action. Somewhere between January and now that “action” has turned into observation and research. Just recently I’ve been getting back into being active. Or maybe I’m not giving myself enough credit.  I purchased a DSLR camera and I’m learning the “family business.” For now it is a hobby. I’m a sensitive artist. I’ve been to D.C. twice this year. I went to the Formation World Tour and the Anti World Tour (Rihanna) I’ve been to the beach twice and I’m becoming a better swimmer. I went to a gala. I went to a wedding. I am developing a brand for a more universal, less personal blog. I started a little side hustle doing crochet braids for friends and associates. I cleared my skin up! So I guess I haven’t been that inactive. I’m figuring out the next steps of my life right now. Turning 27 was very emotional for me. I cried for a week leading up to my birthday. I’m 27 but I don’t have a shiny car, a flourishing career, a masters degree a boyfriend/fiance, a dog/cat, a luxury apartment. I don’t have any of that. But it’s not too late. And 27 in 2016 is a lot different than 27 in the 90’s. I refuse to allow society/family/acquaintances to make me feel bad about my growth. It’s mine, not yours.

One thing that I’ve realized over the course of the year is that the way I perceive myself isn’t exactly how others perceive me. It has come to my attention that my first impression is of someone who has it together. (whatever “it” is)  And a lasting impression is that I am calm, relaxing, and soothing. A friend of mine called me a tranquil muse. A tranquil muse?! Are you kidding?! If you only knew what I’ve dealt with, what I’ve been thru. The fights I’ve had, the things I regret and the disappointment and deep sadness that I’ve felt. Whew. Just typing that brings tears to my eyes. But despite all of my inner disturbances, he still saw me as someone who deals with my problems well, takes it all in stride. Someone who is resilient. I was flattered by this honest comment on my character. I never saw myself that way. He said something to the effect of…spending time with you is healing, relaxing and you wouldn’t realize it because you think everyone is like you, everyone is not like you. It’s like spending time with an old person.” I’m not the type of person to ask my friends “hey so what are my best qualities” but he summed it up for me and I am grateful for that observation. (I even tried to buy but someone already owns it) I tend to be hard on myself for pretty much everything. A few things I am consciously going to improve:

1. taking action, even before I’m ready

2. spending my time wisely

3. being more vulnerable/open with the right people


What’s good tuesday

What caught my eyes on the internet today 🙂

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What caught my eyes on the internet today 🙂

Jazzy songstress Mizan dropped a new song Mizan Awe (via Nylon)

Amanda Seales aka Amanda Diva “diva diva yall” has a new webseries under Issa Rae’s production umbrella – Get Your Life a comic journey about her life in NYC. “We don’t have peacocks in our yards, we have rats!” Pretty accurate.

Legendary Spike Lee’s new film Chiraq trailer released today, an Amazon original film in theaters December 4. There’s a star studded cast – Angela Bassett, Nick Cannon, Teyonnah Parris, Dave Chappelle, Samuel Jackson, etc. Can’t wait!

Cows could be on a bug only diet soon – If this doesn’t make you want to stop eating meat, I don’t know what will. It’s surprising that the solution to this problem is to feed them bugs, how about influencing Americans to stop eating so much meat? Too obvious?

GoldLink debuts “Dark Skinned Women” yaas. I’m dancing under my desk. It’s from his debut album “And After That We Didn’t Talk” 🙂

Happy Tuesday!

Sparrow – Being Mary Jane Ep 3


This week’s episode entitled Sparrow, was an especially emotional one.

We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them – Khalil Gibran

When I read this quote I instantly thought of the Law of Attraction, which I’ve written about in the past. It’s a straight forward principle but easy to forget when life seems to be spiraling out of control. Mary Jane chose the sorrow of her DUI and car accident through her incessant drinking addiction. And Lisa chose her own sorrow or joy as well. Lisa decided to end her life. She suffered from depression and anxiety because she was molested by her stepfather for most of her youth. What was especially haunting is that she sat at her table, eating fruits and cheeses sipping wine. Then took a shower and put on a nice dress. Next she lay in her bed. And the unspeakable happens next – she fills a bowl with pills and takes a handful of them.

This episode was difficult to watch but I was intensely curious to see how the writers handle the taboo topic of mental health in the black community. “Black people don’t kill themselves,” one of the characters said. Well, life experience has proven that to be false. I think that black people are good at putting up a front like everything is okay.  I once worked in a group home for youth suffering from mental and physical illnesses and I know too well that mental illness is definitely prevalent if not more dangerous in the black community.

The question that I kept asking myself throughout the episode was, could this have been prevented? Or would Lisa still have made the same decisions? If her stepdad never violated her? Maybe if MJ didn’t catch wind of her and David’s affair? Maybe if MJ had been more forgiving? Maybe if David never became sexually involved with her? So many factors and thoughts. I don’t know if there is an answer.

As far as choosing sorrows and joys, you have to make up your mind. Are you going to identify with the dark or the light. It’s about perspective. Life is certainly not easy and some of us are not as resilient as others. That is why there are healers in the world. I just hope that everyone can connect with one in time to save their lives.

Being Mary Jane Season 3 Premier


What can I say? I don’t watch much tv but Being Mary Jane, BMJ is one of those that I never miss. It’s the best thing on BET. What I love about this show is that I am able to see myself in protagonist Mary Jane Paul. Last night’s two part premier started with a quote from T.D. Jakes

“Resist your fear; fear will never lead you to a positive end “

What is Mary Jane afraid of? Being alone – the dissolution of her friendship with Lisa and messy romance with David. She’s been afraid of losing her job for quite some time now, and now that her face is wrecked from an accident that fear is manifesting. She’s being replaced by a new Latina anchor. I fear these same exact things. It sucks not having anyone to call with good news, or even bad news. And losing my job? The stress can be crippling especially since my job is high pressure. These quotes set the frame for the episode and also force us to reflect on our own lives. I usually pause the DVR so I can write them down.

This season we’re introduced to a 40 something, poor, intelligent lesbian named Celia. She is the other party involved in the accident. Celia finds out that Mary Jane was drunk driving and now she’s blackmailing her. Celia wants money and sees this moment as her blessing from God. They arrange a payment plan so that Celia can get 25,000 to keep quiet about MJ’s lapse in judgment. (we all know how much MJ drank last season, something like this was bound to happen) Celia’s character is played by Loretta Divine. I’m interested in seeing how this story line plays out.

I was very happy that this episode featured PJ, MJ’s 28 year old brother. They have a heart to heart where he calls David a “bitchmade” “silver spoon brother.” Not every man is cut out to deal with a complicated difficult woman. In the middle of the night seemingly MJ’s older brother brings Lisa to her house and MJ reads her for filth. She presents a steady focused diatribe about how Lisa is depressed and can’t have her own life but, also she dislikes Lisa because Lisa’s depression makes her think about herself. Is she unhappy is she depressed too? MJ says that she loves Lisa all while reading her.

The second half of the premier started with a quote from James Baldwin

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

It picks up off of the first episode’s quote about conquering our fears. No matter how many times we read quotes and even entire books we still tend to follow the same patterns. Comfortable with the status quo even though it is something that we do not want. I know that I am starting to feel un-comfortable with my status quo (yesterday’s post) I am now at the point where I have to stand up and make some real changes. MJ also has to make these changes. After a verbal spar with Celia Mary Jane decides that she isn’t going to sit back and let the new girl take her job. This argument also had a Bring it On reference! My 13 year old self squealed. After the showdown MJ puts on an orange power dress, leopard print red bottoms and struts into a production meeting for Primetime – uninvited. I’m interested in seeing how this plays out as well. At least she tried, right? Watching MJ deal with her issues on screen is inspiring and deep. More synopses and brief reflections to come this season 🙂

What else to do…

It’s been nearly a year since I’ve written for this blog. And I’m back to let you know that I am still here. I’m not throwing in the towel. I do write in my journal and my art journal lots more than I write here (both are cathartic and relaxing for me). Let me give a brief rundown of what’s been happening 🙂

  • I’m still a commercial copy specialist
  • I’m 26 years old and utterly confused/indecisive
  • Dealt with a bout of adult acne that is JUST NOW clearing up.
  • Successfully transitioned to veg life and sober life after medical hiccups and scares
  • Ready for some changes

What kinds of changes? Particularly in the financial and career domains of my life. Right now I feel as though I’ve plateaued. I graduated college 4 years ago and while I have increased my income, I’m worried about what it is going to take to get me to the next level. See, I’m 26 –less than 4 years away from 30. To me 30 is that age when you finally get your ish together. You get rid of that old car for a new model. You no longer buy furniture from Ikea. Your credit score is no longer a worry. You stop dating losers and settle in with your life partner. You purchase a house or condo. You have seniority at your job, along with an actual office with 4 walls and a door. I’m crippled with anxiety when I think about the distance between where I’m at now –cubicle, 15 year old car, ikea furniture, lives with dad, dysfunctional romantic life, entry-level position — and where I want to be, the fabulous land of 30 somethings. I told myself somethings in my life are going to have to change in order for me to get there.

I’m pondering going back to school – graduate school. The reason I took time off between undergrad and grad is because I was scared. I’m skeptical of the level of impact a professional degree and license will have on my life. Those fears have not gone away. It’s just that now I have a sense of urgency. I’ve seen what’s “out there” and I’m not impressed. I’m not sure which degree would make me the happiest long-term. I’m not sure how much a masters degree would improve my life but I know that it won’t make it worse. I have a program in mind and I am going to their open house this Saturday -armed with all of my questions and concerns. I feel so far removed from all things academic it will be good for me to speak with faculty and current students to see if this is something that I am actually interested in, and not just on paper. I’m teetering between two programs at a local university – I don’t want to say which ones. Just know that whichever career I choose – I hope to make in impact on the overall wellness and quality of life for people. I enjoy what I do now; but, I don’t get that feeling when I leave work.

This post doesn’t have a definite conclusion but I am looking forward to gathering more information on these respective programs and actually taking steps to make these changes that I long for. I’m not going to allow myself to get stressed out about the space between where I am and where I want to be. It’s all going to come together one day. Hopefully when I’m 29 – I have my eyes on a white BMW x3.


One month ago there was nothing that could get in between me and a good chicken breast. Hell, a little over a week ago I enjoyed a Chick Fil-A sandwich. (But only because my dad purchased it for me and I haven’t had one in about 15 years) But no, not anymore. I’ve been trying on this [vegetarian] lifestyle for about a week and a half since I broke my juice fast. This evening I tried to eat a very nice looking chicken breast and I could taste the animal’s blood. The flavors didn’t do anything for me. I wanted to spit it out. I took two bites then put it away. So yeah, I guess no meat for me. For a long time at least.

Something just clicked in me. I’ve been fine without meat. I have energy to workout and I’ve put on lean muscle mass as a result. Many people have the notion that you become emaciated if you stop eating meat. That’s completely false – I know some thick vegetarians. Like many people I grew up thinking that a meal was not complete unless there was an animal on the plate. I’m learning to create tons of meals that are satisfying and flavorful. I’ve been eating lots of quinoa, lentils, peppers, kale, cauliflower, spinach, carrots, sweet potatoes and tofu.

Thanksgiving is going to be interesting. (I’ll be sure to make plenty of meatless side dishes) I haven’t told anyone that I’m vegetarian because I don’t want to be policed. When I was younger one of my teachers was a self-proclaimed vegetarian –then one day we had a soul food luncheon and he was eating ribs! The deceit. I don’t want to put a label on what I am doing. Just know that what I’m doing is right for me. I’m making a shift from eating to satisfy my hunger –to eating to satisfy my body’s nutritional needs. It’s funny how some of the most positive changes get the most negative criticism. People feel threatened by changes that will have no impact on them –if anything a positive impact. More bacon, turkey and chicken breastesses for you.


xo So ❤


Monday sets the tone for the week. Yet, a lot of people moan and groan about Mondays. Not me, anymore at least. My biggest gripe about Mondays was the fact that I used to hate my job. Now that I no longer hate my job, Mondays (Tuesdays thru Fridays) are a lot easier.  But even with that said, we all need our dose of medicine. Here are a few things to make your Monday a little better.

Jack Canfield – Staying Focused in the Face of Negativity

Disruptive Joy. Why do we push away positive feelings? Danielle La Porte

How to Live A Luxurious Life on a Not-So-Luxury Budget Tonya Leigh

Brandy Norwood Instagram Vid Compilation
-she can sang and she’s hilarious

Have a great day

xo So